Dream’s End

Where will I be
When this dream ends?
Will it have come true
Or faded away with time?
Can I hold tight to the vision
When the world turns the other way?
I can only hope when
I reach Dream’s End
All my aspirations will satisfy
No matter the outcome of each fancy,
May the healing waters give me peace,
May all the desires and designs be reborn,
Be it a nightmare or a passion
All dreams must soon come to an end,
Who will I be
When I find myself at Dream’s End?

The Accident

The moment of panic,
Perhaps one beer too many,
The screech of tires,
A midnight ringing telephone,
A lifetime that flashes
Through so many eyes,
Glass shattered and scattered,
Hearts breaking in the night,
A scream before the end,
A child crying out,
For every drop of blood
A tear falls to match,
Goodbyes now that
Can never be said

So This Is What I’ve Been Up To

Did I mention I suck at blogging. Well the longevity of my blogs are what typically fails.  I love to write, but personal blogs, well sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think who the heck wants to read that dribble.

The end of April has been eventful and dull all the same time. I am sincerely hoping May is my month. SO! What have I been up to? Obviously I am about to tell you <insert laugh>!

I did get the new job. I get to be the person who can’t understand your accent when you call customer service for (that company who decided to hire me). But my official title is a Representative. So I am going to go with that. I am a Rep for Blank Company. I don’t start until the 8th. They pushed my training back because the other person they hired couldn’t start yet. So I am stuck with a week of no employment between my two jobs. But I guess it gives me a week to get turned around to a schedule where I have to get up at 6AM instead of getting ready for bed at that hour. Good right?

I am officially opening my studio on the 1st. Although I guess technically it is not a studio as I am basically working out of my bedroom and whatever location people ask their pictures to be taken. Yep, I am a photographer. I’ve done this before, but things just took a bad turn for me in my personal life so this is my grand ReOpening I guess. I am more invested in it because I plan to try to set down roots here, and before when I lived in Iowa, before Oklahoma, I always had one foot out the door. I was miserable and not vested in sticking around. I tell you, it sucks getting everything all legal and pretty again. Just posting my Doing Business As in the paper costs 4x as much as filing my certificate with the state. Kinda jenky. They need to allow for online legal publications that don’t charge so much. Anyways, I am nervous as heck. I don’t know as many people in the area so I really need to work my tush off to stand out. I don’t expect to get rich. Shoot I doubt I will even break even this year. But that is normal with any new business.

I’m on a new supplement that is supposed to be a cure all. I think maybe it is snake oil in a pretty mint flavor. My anxiety is about normal. I think it is more I have little to fuss over and that is why I am not as anxious. My digestive system is why I started it and I don’t feel any better there. Although I have not had a migraine in the last few weeks, so maybe? I will have a big blog entry about my review of the stuff coming up in a week or so.

Did I mention I found a winning Powerball Ticket and I am going to the Bahamas? Oh wait no that was just a dream. Would be nice huh?

I bought my son a new bike. I don’t know if it is because I just have short legs or if it is because I have not been on a traditional bike in 20 years, but needless to say I could not even pedal. I need to get on it. I couldn’t fit my bike in my SUV so I am buying it this week. I am training for the Great Cycle Challenge so I can raise money for the Children’s Cancer Fund in June, and I want to prove people wrong about me. That I can do things, and this chubby butt of mine CAN do over 100 miles in a month. I can on a stationary bike, so hopefully it is not too hard learning to ride a real bike again.

Well thats me in a nutshell. Theres other things of course but out of respect for others I have to keep mum. But things are getting better in the family and community.

Lots of Love, Holly

Finding My Voice

Deep inside of me
There is a girl I know,
Yet she is a stranger
All of you will not see,
I find myself screaming out
But unable to find my voice,
I dream in shades of gray
In a world seemingly fantasy,
My name up in lights,
Or a little house painted white,
A life safe and settled
Or wild and carefree,
Anything that I already see
Is the life I dream I can be,
My soul has been held prisoner
To the lack of love of the
One I gave my heart to long ago,
I bite my tongue
And forget my dreams
For a fragile maybe from his lips,
Sometimes he promises
The life I’ve always yearned,
Sometimes he pretends to know
But in truth we are clueless,
I must reach down deep
And find the girl I should have been,
The one who lose her voice
That day she met you,
You and me, we make sense
But I cannot wait around on love
And on dreams that have yet to come through,
I am finding my voice
Shouting out and singing a new song,
I am finding my dream
Wishing on a new star,
I wish you could come with me
As I venture forth to find
The girl I should have been,
But while I am finding my voice
The world we knew has muted
Faded from my heart,
Though I am out there
Finding my voice,
I will always remember you

Behind the Door

A wooden door
Stands before,
Blocking the way in,
Keeping the outside world
Unable to cross the threshold,
This door also
Locks in the cries of anguish,
The light creeps
Through the corners,
Beckoning from a life unknown,
What lays beyond this door
That guards my heart,
What lays beyond the walls
That guard my soul,
What lays beyond this life
That I have lived so long,
A jumble of keys
Surely one must fit,
One step out to feel
The sunshine upon my skin,
One moment to take in
A breath of air fresh,
One step out this door
To a new life

A Face From The Past

Do you remember me?
I would suppose not,
I’m only a face from the past,
A friend from years ago,
My story is not forgotten
But do you know the truth?
I was that girl who
Shared her best friend’s name,
I was the one
Who moved back and forth,
The last time was different
For I seemed to disappear,
I’m no longer that girl,
She stayed behind as a ghost
Haunting dreams and memories,
When I disappeared
I was nobody,
Now that I’m found
I’ve become somebody,
Do you remember me?
I’m only a face from the past

Remembering Bits of Me

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did. I was looking for a possible old blog of mine and instead I found a different reminder of an old part of myself that I have lost over the years. I found images I had created. I used to be really into digital art. This was before I started focusing all of my being on photography. I remember I always felt like these images while were good, and I loved the creative process, but I felt like they weren’t really good enough. There were way better artists out there. But looking back on them now, the time and vision spent on them blows me away. They are beautiful, and I just didn’t see it then. Who knows maybe I will get back into digital art here soon. I feel like it has been so long I am going to have to relearn everything in the Fractal Art scene, but if I could walk away feeling like I created something, that would be a great hobby to find again. I thought I would share with you a bit of a peak into a lost bit of my soul from a long time ago.

The Man Who Used To Be

Maybe its silly that I’m thinking of you,
At a moment like this I remember the bliss,
Then reality comes crashing down
Until there’s nothing left but me and an empty room,
Maybe I’m going crazy
‘Cuz when I look at you,
I think of the man who
Could have – should have been,
Now you’re only the man
Who used to be… my best friend,
Where has this life brought us
We’ve come so far just to lose it all,
I can’t stand aside to watch you throw it all away,
Though it pains me so I’m walking the other way,
Someday you’ll turn to reach for me
And find that I’m no longer there,
One day I just realized I can’t live in this despair,
I’ve wasted years waiting for you,
Perhaps you had no intention of coming back
But yet you wouldn’t let me go,
But now I’m pulling away even if you can’t see,
I waited far too long for a friend who will never be,
If I stay by your side
You’ll drag me down into darkness,
And though I will walk away
I promise I’ll not forget,
For when I close my eyes
Its your face I see,
Someday you’ll turn to reach for me
And find that I’m no longer there,
For you’ve become the man
who used to be…

 

I hadn’t planned on incorporating poetry into this blog, but heck it is my personal blog so really I don’t have to follow any rules. I used to write all the time. I had journals full of poems on every subject. They were my coping mechanism to deal with every emotional from highs to lows.  This one, well it was lingering in my mind so I thought I would share it.