Finding My Voice

Deep inside of me
There is a girl I know,
Yet she is a stranger
All of you will not see,
I find myself screaming out
But unable to find my voice,
I dream in shades of gray
In a world seemingly fantasy,
My name up in lights,
Or a little house painted white,
A life safe and settled
Or wild and carefree,
Anything that I already see
Is the life I dream I can be,
My soul has been held prisoner
To the lack of love of the
One I gave my heart to long ago,
I bite my tongue
And forget my dreams
For a fragile maybe from his lips,
Sometimes he promises
The life I’ve always yearned,
Sometimes he pretends to know
But in truth we are clueless,
I must reach down deep
And find the girl I should have been,
The one who lose her voice
That day she met you,
You and me, we make sense
But I cannot wait around on love
And on dreams that have yet to come through,
I am finding my voice
Shouting out and singing a new song,
I am finding my dream
Wishing on a new star,
I wish you could come with me
As I venture forth to find
The girl I should have been,
But while I am finding my voice
The world we knew has muted
Faded from my heart,
Though I am out there
Finding my voice,
I will always remember you

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The Man Who Used To Be

Maybe its silly that I’m thinking of you,
At a moment like this I remember the bliss,
Then reality comes crashing down
Until there’s nothing left but me and an empty room,
Maybe I’m going crazy
‘Cuz when I look at you,
I think of the man who
Could have – should have been,
Now you’re only the man
Who used to be… my best friend,
Where has this life brought us
We’ve come so far just to lose it all,
I can’t stand aside to watch you throw it all away,
Though it pains me so I’m walking the other way,
Someday you’ll turn to reach for me
And find that I’m no longer there,
One day I just realized I can’t live in this despair,
I’ve wasted years waiting for you,
Perhaps you had no intention of coming back
But yet you wouldn’t let me go,
But now I’m pulling away even if you can’t see,
I waited far too long for a friend who will never be,
If I stay by your side
You’ll drag me down into darkness,
And though I will walk away
I promise I’ll not forget,
For when I close my eyes
Its your face I see,
Someday you’ll turn to reach for me
And find that I’m no longer there,
For you’ve become the man
who used to be…

 

I hadn’t planned on incorporating poetry into this blog, but heck it is my personal blog so really I don’t have to follow any rules. I used to write all the time. I had journals full of poems on every subject. They were my coping mechanism to deal with every emotional from highs to lows. ¬†This one, well it was lingering in my mind so I thought I would share it.¬†